Photoblog - A Camping How-To

 Last week I introduced a new type of post on Musings entitled 'Cheaterblog', where I borrowed (stole) a really good idea and presented it to you - my readers. This saved me valuable time and brainpower that I was able to put to use for such important things as websurfing, watching movies, and Spider Solitaire. You should expect to see further such posts in future.

Following those themes of flexibility and trying new things, I've decided to create yet another new type of post for my Musings - the Photoblog. Up to this point I've included only one image per post, usually taken off the internet - a habit for which I am fully expecting to be sued, jailed, or written a very nasty letter eventually. Before that happens, however, I thought I'd at least try throwing in a few of my own feeble photos. Voila - the photoblog...

A Camping How-To

 Have you ever wanted to go camping, but not known how to go about it? Do you dread the preparation it takes to get a family ready for a weekend outing in the woods? Or, are you just overwhelmed by the thought of undertaking such an expedition? Dear friends - camping needn't be a chore! Just follow these easy steps, and you'll be enjoying the great outdoors in no time!

Step 1: Preparations at Home

 Before you set off for the weekend, you'll want to be sure that you've left everything at home in tip-top order. Doing the little things like shutting windows, turning off the hot water heater, and making sure that no electronics are left running will save you money and peace of mind in the long run. Oh - and don't forget to leave plenty of food and water for your pets. The new 'self feed' systems are very convenient. 

The next step involves gathering the items you'll need for your weekend. While packing up your supplies, it's important not to go overboard and pack too much. Generally you'll know it's time to stop just before the liftgate no longer shuts. If you have extra room in the back, you've forgotten something. Go back and start over. 

 Step Two: Travel

 Now that you're all set, it's time to start your adventures. A map (or GPS), clean windows, and plenty of snackage are important for the drive - especially if you have children. The first two can be skipped entirely and still result in a successful trip as long as there is plenty of the latter. Since space might be an issue, you will want to emphasize the fun of 'snuggling' before you set off. Also, take pictures of traveling children early in the trip (before they are angry at you and one another). The best time to snap a candid shot of your happy tots is right before you pull out of the driveway. 

Teaching children to look at the beautiful things all around them out the windows not only helps them develop a keen sense of observation and an appreciation of the splendors of the great outdoors, but it also provides microseconds of silence and prevents you from having to play the license plate game for the entirety of the trip. Things you might teach them to look for include interesting buildings, beautiful scenery, and roadsigns that will be helpful to get you back on your intended path after you get lost.

Step Three: Arrival and Setup

Upon arrival, it's important to follow all of the required protocol for the campground in which you'll be staying. Usually this is simply a matter of filling out some paperwork, providing a method of payment, and then spending 25 minutes trying to get the registration card (3 x 5) to fit into the rigid plastic sleeve in the campsite marker (2 x 4). It will usually be close to dark by the time this is done.

Of course, the rest of your setup varies widely, depending on your method of camping. Those who have RV's simply pull into their space, press a button to level the vehicle, then (and this is the most important part) figure out which way to point the satellite in order to pick up the best TV stations. If you are not fortunate enough to have such a camping rig, you can at least hope to be related to (or make friends with) someone who is. The availability of indoor plumbing in the middle of the night is a powerful motivator for relationships.

 
For old-fashioned campers (like us) setting up the tent takes anywhere from approximately 30 to 234,345,054 minutes, depending on how long it's been since your last camping trip, and how much your children try to help. It will most assuredly be dark by the time you attempt this feat, making it all the more challenging and rewarding. Anyone can set up a tent in broad daylight. It takes a real outdoorsperson to best all those poles and stakes in the pitch black.

After your shelter is set up, the next step is to make it homey and comfortable. Hanging pictures, installing custom curtains, and re-carpeting are not advised. The usual method involves throwing sleeping bags, blankets, and pillows inside, and falling into a heap in your grubby clothing. Regardless of how careful you are in putting bedding inside, it will go from this:

to this: 

in a matter of hours. Don't worry too much about it. Order can be restored, and the loss of blankets throughout the night is one of the natural mysteries that goes along with camping. 

Note: site selection has a lot to do with how enjoyable and memorable your trip will be. The best campsites will provide both qualities. Some will be pleasant, but soon forgotten. Others will be memorable, but for all the wrong reasons. The subtle and crucial differences between memorable and enjoyable can sometimes be hard to anticipate. For example, selecting a sight close to the train tracks might *seem* like it would fulfill both criteria. However, after the 15th train has passed 20 feet from your tent in the middle of the night (horns blaring and lights flashing) you will realize that this trip might be heavy on the memorable, but light on the enjoyable. The best you can hope is to keep a positive outlook, take some interesting pictures, and plan on sleeping in when you get home. 

Step Four: Food
 There are many schools of thought when it comes to camp cooking. Some say that 'roughing it' requires the exclusive use of cast-iron cookware over an open fire. Others take advantage of the conveniences available through modern technology and rely on cook stoves, electric skillets, or state-of-the-art, built-in convection ovens when they're in the great outdoors. While I can see the benefits and detriments of all of the various options, I have found one fool-proof secret for camp cookery: bacon. Regardless of the meal, time of day, camp setup, or weather, bacon is a proven winner. Observe: 

Camper Without Bacon

Camper With Bacon

 Note the smile in the second picture. And the bacon. Other foods, of course, can be added to the meal. Toast and eggs are a particularly good choice.

Step Five: Entertainment
While the exercise it takes to setup your campsite and the consumption of bacon alone can be enough to ensure a successful outdoor experience, most people choose to engage in other forms of entertainment as well. Common camping pastimes include hiking, fishing, biking, sightseeing, and trying to find firewood.

In our family, one of the chief pleasures of camping (or any other get-together, for that matter) is card playing. I don't mean to brag, but we can pretty much beat the pants off any anyone, at any game, at any time of the day or night. Ever. Just sayin'

Playing cards while camping requires only a few things. The right supplies (note the card try - a *must* in our game of choice),

Finesse (look how carefully he's settling that card into the tray),

And, enough room (both for the cards to be laid out, and for the egos of the players. The latter is much bigger.)

Caution: playing too late into the night can sometimes cause a nasty case of card zombieism. The initial warning signs include:

Euphoria at winning,

Exhaustion,

And full-blown zombie symptoms.

The only known cure is to beat the pants off the afflicted persons (figuratively at first, literally if it's a particularly nasty case). Be sure to keep some sort of proof of your win, because poor card playing and excellent lying often go hand in hand. (Publishing the results on a famous blog with millions of readers world-wide is a nice added precaution.)

Step Six: Packing Up and Heading Home
Eventually, the fun of camping is overcome by the financial need to get home and back to work. That, or lack of sleep from the passing train will compel your physical body toward home and bed, sometimes even bypassing your brain and any conscious thought entirely. Either way - at some point you've got to clean up the mess - er, campsite - you've made. One final photograph of your site will serve as a pleasant reminder of your trip. Cuteness during the pic is both hard to come by (after not showering or sleeping) but nice to include if possible. Note how adorable the duo in this picture is...

 The first step to cleanup is to empty the contents of the tent. After that has been done, you may take the tent down. Failure to complete step one will almost assuredly complicate step two, and make it even more unlikely that your tent will fit back into its original packaging. This is, by means, necessary for a successful camping experience, but does provide plenty of opportunity for bragging rights. If you are unable to shrink an entire shelter back into a nylon bag the size of a loaf of bread, you can always use a duffel bag, suitcase, or plastic tote. For those of you who engage in one of the latter activities, just note - you are not as cool as my rockin' husband, who has been successfully re-rolling our tent into its original packaging for 12 years. Just sayin'.

After your site is empty and your vehicle is full, it is time to get on the road. But - don't despair. The fun of your few days of camping will not soon be forgotten, especially since it takes approximately ten times longer to clean up and unpack than it did to actually take the trip. But, such is the life of an outdoor enthusiast.

Step Six: Gratuitous Photos
I had a few more pics that were just too cute to not include. Enjoy!