Truth be told, I had been mulling the idea around for about a week already before I finally gave in, but it was a tough thing for me to do. I liked holding on to some of my crunchy, quirky, all-natural self-righteousne... uh, I mean ideals. It reminded me of who I had been, who I assumed I still was deep down inside (and who my friends and family hope I will never, ever become again). I suppose that trading in the toaster oven for the microwave is the same as trading in broomstick skirts and veganism for a decent professional wardrobe (my "goin' to Des Moines clothes") and a more balanced approach to healthy eating. I am still an Earthmomma, darnit, but I'm a little softer around the edges. (Now that we have a microwave, I'll probably glow around the edges too!)
So, it was with great trepidation that I welcomed our newest addition into the family. I must admit, despite my misgivings, that it is a good fit. It has this funny little habit where the door doesn't close all the way, which triggers the safety switch and doesn't allow you to press the start button. It's got personality. I like that in a machine. Plus, it does make a mean plate of nachos, and can warm up leftovers better than even my beloved cast-iron skillet. It's quiet. It's sleek. It's neat. It's clean. It has a flat surface on top to stack things on, and it gave us a much-needed west-facing clock that we can see from the front door. In short, I'm in love with the thing. But, I'm not always thrilled with the company it chooses to hang out with.
See, microwaves do not attract health food. They're not made for health food. What they're made for is pre-packaged, 'cheeze' covered, cellophane wrapped preservatives, molded into an approximate shape and size and color of food, and then sprayed with a food-like scent. Trust me, I am something of an expert on this, having just moments ago eaten a Chicken and Cheese Chimichunga that came in a shiny green wrapper.
I did my best to treat this frozen hunk of faux-TexMex like food - putting it on a real plate, covering it with salsa, adding a bit of shredded cheese to the top... In the end, what I had was still appalling and awful. The texture was all wrong. The flavor was all wrong. The guilt I felt was all wrong. The only redeeming qualities that chimichunga had was that it was cheap, it was hot, and it was NOW.
Then again.... I've already swallowed my pride by signing a peace treaty with my arch-nemesis (which has nuclear capabilities, no less!) and invited it into my home. I've given up all my other long-held ideals about food. Maybe being cheap, hot, and NOW aren't such bad qualities. (Ask many 19-year-olds, and they will think these are the ONLY qualities worth having...) Maybe it is a sign of maturity, of becoming more at peace with the world around me, of finally giving up all my self-righteous attitudes. Yes, I believe it must surely be a good thing that I can eat a TV dinner now and again, wait happily for that reassuring 'ding' when warming up leftovers, and allow my girls to eat microwave popcorn occasionally.
Of course, that's only if it's Newman's Organic, because those others use fake butter that will give you cancer. And, mind you, I care far too much about my internal organs to subject them to radiation by actually standing in front of the thing while it's blasting my food with its Geiger-alerting rays. And, the leftovers would certainly have to be from my home-grown, good-quality, grass-fed, free-range, all-natural, cruelty-and-cage-free, omega-enriched, biosustainable, home-canned, happy animals, and.....
(Ok, maybe the microwave hasn't totally nuked all of my self-righteousness yet... I'll keep you posted.)
Ok, I read this on my phone and now I have to comment... First of all, there's nothing "nuclear" (or even "nucular") going on in your microwave oven. Microwave radiation is nothing more than high-frequency radio waves similar to the ones going in and out of your cell phone all day, although much higher power. Second, who says you have to put any pre-packaged food-like substances in it all? We don't... we use it to heat up leftovers and defrost frozen stuff. We do pop popcorn -- and you can pop regular old loose popocorn in it, you know. It's also great for heating up soup. Just think of it as a really quick heating device for regular foodstuffs. Now, I'm waiting for the reverse device -- the one that will chill my can of diet coke in 10 seconds.
ReplyDeleteSo what you're saying is that as long as I tell my microwave about the dangers of hanging out with the wrong crowd, it'll all be ok?
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'm not sure I like this whole 'cell phone-like radiation' thing at all. Does that mean that my microwave, with all of its wholesome new friends, is likely to run up my bill? I think I might prefer it being nuclear. At least then there's a chance of selling back credits to the power company and gaining that healthful green glow...